What Was I Thinking?

Ever felt like doing something new and exciting, thinking that you've thought things through very carefully but once you've stepped into that new world, more problems surfaced?

I think I'm in that predicament right now. That something new is getting me so worked up and worried, I'm having second thoughts on whether it was a wise move or I simply didn't think things though hard enough.

Sadly, I don't think I can undo what has been done. I just need to brace myself for what lies ahead and trust that God will see me through this.

Sigh... no regrets. NO regrets! It should be a happy occasion. Think happy thoughts!

SIGH.....

The Start of Something New

By the end of this week (I think), there will be something new in my life. I am definitely excited by the prospect of this new thing in my life.

What is it, you ask?

Not in the position to say, at the moment. At least, don't feel like saying too much yet. I'm pretty stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. I want to move forward but at the same time, feeling very afraid of what lies ahead.

I will definitely miss the old one. I've had fond and not-so-very fond memories and the many adventures in the past. There were times I felt grateful and there were others where I felt completely infuriated by it.

Now, we've probably reached the time where we have to part ways and to say I won't miss it would be a lie.

Trying to look forward for now and hope (and pray) for the best.

Sigh...

Countdown to 2008 - Chapter 3

This should be the last entry for the year and the final look back at how 2007 was like for me. One major highlight would be winning the grand prize to catch Céline Dion in concert in Shanghai. At times, I still have to pinch myself when I look at the mock ticket I lugged home on the bus from KL to Penang. It was an unbelievable experience, and when I come to think of it, God's favour was really upon my whole journey there, from being the first caller through up to winning the grand prize.

I've also won a few hundred Ringgit with MixFM as well. I have yet to receive the money, but just to know that it's coming is another blessing for me. God has been faithful in providing not just my needs, but also my wants. I didn't 'need' to win the Céline Dion tickets, I just wanted it, but God, who is ever so gracious, gave it to me anyway.

To top off the year, I've also got my 13th month pay banked in with my salary, which is also a huge boost for me, so, I'm excited and thankful for the extra that I have now. I can't wait to see what else God can and will do in my life in 2008. Just can't wait.

See ya next year!

Countdown to 2008 - Chapter 2

OK, part deux.

Being unemployed in Malaysia is not like being unemployed in the US. At least, they have unemployment benefits. Over here, we pretty much have unemployment debts. When you don't earn money but still have to spend, you're just incurring debts. And incurring debts, I did. It was quite a lot that I actually didn't know how I would settle it. (OK, it's much easier to owe Mom than to owe the "Ah Longs", but still...)

One thing I learned from this is to trust God for His faithfulness. I can say that my debts were cleared not once, but twice this year. The first one was written off and the second one was settled within a couple of months after I started work. Best still, I now have surplus. Imagine being worse than broke and now having more than enough.

I've also learned not to worry too much about finances. Matthew 6: 25 - 34 puts a lot of things into perspective. I trust that I'll be able to get that computer upgrade and that digital camera in due time. *wink*

Countdown to 2008 - Chapter 1

Let's see... Ah, yes, end December 2006 up to early April 2007 was when my sister, my 3 adorable nieces and my best-est little sister, Allora, came to visit us here in Penang. (Allora stayed only up till January 2007, but then my brother-in-law came in late March). At the same time, I was also jobless and frankly speaking, a little depressed and feeling rather hopeless. But during this time, I was able to spend time with them, travel with them and play with them, so, it was a blessing in disguise for me.

To be honest with you, I did wonder how I was going to spend time with them if I was working then and could only come back home after work, but God knew what to do. Being jobless and income-less is not fun at all (don't even try it if you're not financially prepared to), but I think God knew what I really wanted, which was time for them. And the best part of it all? Right about the time they were about to go back home, I got a job offer that started about a week or two after they left. If that's not God's timing, I don't know what else to define it.

It worked so well, I couldn't have planned it better myself. In fact, I didn't. I wasn't the one who initiated my resignation (truth be told) and I wasn't the one who found the job either. This has truly taught me that God is not one minute too early nor a second too late, but just right on time.

Countdown to 2008 - An Introduction

OK, I haven't written an entry in a LONG while. I don't know if anyone still visits, but hey, who knows...

Anyway, it's Boxing Day today, which means, Christmas day is over, which means, there's only 1, 2, 3... err, 5 days to the last day of December, which means, 2007 will be over in less than a week. Wow, too much Mathematics! I think I've done my counting for the month.

Looking back, though, I think 2007 has been a significant year so far. It started off with my second sister, my 'best-est' little sister from the US (Allora) and my three nieces ringing in the new year with us here in Penang; to getting a great job in April; to witnessing how God has been faithful in every step of the way - whether in church, at work or even in my own life; to seeing a very precious sister-in-Christ begin a new chapter in life - marriage; as well as walking down life's path with the Lord.

I can't say I can remember all that has happened in 2007 but in the next few entries (I hope!), I'll try to look back on how life has been for me. Stay tuned.

Hapless Romantic

Call me a hapless romantic, but wouldn't you JUST melt if the guy of your dreams happen to write something as BEAUTIFUL as this? I get goosebumps reading it and listening to the song. OK, maybe the melody isn't as beautiful as the poem itself, but it gets the "Ahhhh..... (I'm melting!)" vote from me. Let me just give you a background on this guy, some of you just MIGHT know him. He's Ryan and he's a firefighter from Colorado, he's tall, cute, and romantic. The 'drats!' factor is that he's married. Sigh..... There has to be more men like him out there! Manly yet romantic. Masculine but in touch with his emotions. Feel the love.....

Something About Her

Here I am, not knowing where I stand
Here I am, looking for a place to land
My heart in the palm of her hand
A boy dying to be her man
Between tomorrow and yesterday
What I really want to say
Is that I'm falling for something about her

She is to me the rainbow through the rain
She is to me the laughter through the pain
Like sugar from the cane,
directly through my veins
She's living in my dreams
She's a vision, and it seems
That I'm falling for something about her

My life has been a ship sailing sea to sea
My life has been completely set free
Moments of ecstasy, all I could hope it to be
Now with her I'd like to share
To show her how much I care
'Cause I'm falling for something about her

I'd like to say I'll love her night and day
I'd like to say I'll never turn away
Forever, come what may
By her side I'll always stay
She's every star that's in the sky
Every glimmer in my eye
And I'm falling for something about her

And his other poem:

Imagine a place fit for angels
Where laughter fills the air.
The whole place fresh and clean,
Smells like it just washed its hair.

Flowers paint the landscape,
Waters run crystal clear.
Gentle summer breezes,
Whisper music in your ear.

A place where dreams come true,
Every wish is granted.
Days of active splendor,
Moonlit nights enchanted.

Imagine this place of endless beauty,
And know that it doesn't compare,
To the moment I stepped out into the night,
And saw you standing there.

Sigh.....

*Poems by Ryan Sutter

Desperate Plea

Don't tell the police but I wrote this as I was driving to work this morning. I typed it into my phone and saved it as I haven't mastered the art of writing with pen and paper while driving, not that I intend to. It's a continuation of my previous entry, as I still feel like Dave, the one who's stuck in the desert, not the one who defeated the Giant Pickle.

All of a sudden, I felt as though I was David, the Psalmist. Interesting.

Crying out to God in the car is nothing new to me. In fact, apart from the 'throne room' (ahem), the other place I feel really comfortable praying in is driving my car on the road alone. Today, the words just kept coming. It's not a 'new concept', I think it's pretty much everyone's plea at one time or another but it was my plea for this time and 'position' that I'm in.

I'm still struggling where I am, but at the end of the day, I know I will make it through. He will pull me through.

You are my Strength and my Shelter

When I'm not able to stand

You are my Healer and Protector

With You, I'm on the mend

You are the Author and Creator

My life is in Your hands

What more can I ask, Lord

But to seek Your face?

What more can I do

But to rest in the Secret Place?

What more can I give?
I will lay it at Your feet

Lord, take hold of me

And make me complete

Author: Me

Big Leagues and Little Leagues

I wish I was talking about baseball instead, sounds like it, doesn't it?

This is something I've struggled with for the past week. Something that I feel guilty about yet at the same time, a bit disgruntled. OK, a lot more disgruntled than I let out. Something that I think God's trying to teach me. Patience..... (Now, that's a scary word!) and my motives for doing things.

I'm reminded of the VeggieTales' take on the story of David and Goliath. Dave and the Giant Pickle, to be exact. Yes, I agree, its outline is a bit unusual, but the gist of it remains. At this point in time, I'm pretty much like Dave in the desert, running around, picking up sheep off the ground, not doing anything "significant" or to be more precise, not involved in anything more significant than the brothers would let. And yes, singing the song "Why can't little guys do big things too....?"

Then, of course, you know how the story goes. Dave gallantly fights the Giant Pickle, with 5 stones in his hand, a sling and God on his side, the Giant came tumbling down. Everyone cheers and the little guy got to do the big thing that he's been wanting to do and have been singing about.

I haven't had my Goliath yet, at least, I think I haven't. I'm still stuck in that desert wishing to do more than I think I should be doing. I can do great things too, I'm capable. I can fight Goliaths, I can take on big things, I should be taking on big things. But ultimately, the questions that surfaced are: Yes, I am more than capable of taking things on, but to whose glory will I credit it to; myself or God? To whose righteousness am I standing on; my own or His Righteousness? To whose strength am I relying on; my own human strength or God's abundant strength?

It's no fun picking up sheep in the desert. No fun at all when everyone you know is out there planning on how to defeat Goliath. Doing the big things and not being involved.

But I would rather fight my Goliaths with God on my side than on my own with no one else around. So if it means having to put up with picking up sheep in the desert, I'll do it. If Dave gets the Giant Pickle to pick on in the end, I will have my own as well, in His time. Impatience comes easier than patience, the waiting game is the hardest to play, but in His time, there will be a chance for me.

God Is In Control

Ever felt like life had passed you by without so much as a whistle? Ever felt useless because good things seem to happen to people around you but not yourself even though you've tried hard? Ever felt as though you are inferior to the next person because you are not getting what they are getting or going through what they are going through?

I had that feeling not too long ago. In fact, I've had that feeling before quite a few times in my life. I bet you, I might feel that way in the future but I'll worry for today and not tomorrow. Actually, I don't really want to worry anymore. It's not in my position to worry about things that I can't control.

Feelings of being passed by are just that, mere feelings. Partially attributed to being discontent or worse, envy. (Eek!) I've come to realize that things happen for a reason, things DON'T happen for a reason, and there's a season for things to happen and a season for things NOT to happen. Confused? Don't be.

I came across this song as I was having my own pity party in my room the other day. A song that I wouldn't have played on my computer if I didn't feel a little nudge of interest to LISTEN to the album in the first place. (It's one of those subtle signs that God knows what to do when I don't know what to do.) It was the first song on the album and the only one that had a lot of airtime because I got too caught up in the song to listen to the others. Here's a snippet:

God is in control

We believe that His children will not be forsaken
God is in control

We will choose to remember and never be shaken

There is no power above or beside Him

We know, oh, God is in control

Oh, God is in control

Things happen for a reason, things DON'T happen for a reason. Nevertheless, I will not be forsaken, I will not be forgotten. I do not have to worry, I do not need to feel jealous. I just have to choose to remember that He is in control.

It doesn't mean that God has passed you by if other people around you seem to be heading in the directions that you want to head yet you're still stuck at where you are at the moment. It just means He probably has a different direction for you or it is just not the time yet. God is in control. Just choose to remember that.

I'm trying.

He has never let you down

Why start to worry now?

Why start to worry now?

He is still the Lord of all we see

And He is still the loving Father

Watching over you and me

*God Is In Control - Twila Paris